Understanding Autism: Why Embracing Difference Requires Effort
Our default position is usually to assume that others are like us, but this is rarely the case. Recognising this and making the effort to think and act differently is the first step towards true inclu
For the many years I spent in the church, we were taught to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. It sounds lovely, with the clear message that we should treat others well because that is how we would like to be treated. The problem is, this broad-brush approach completely fails to recognise the myriad differences that make humanity so wonderful.
Of course, it makes sense to treat others with kindness, respect, and decency, but always treating others as we want to be treated completely fails to recognise that we all have different needs and preferences. For example, years ago, I knew someone who clashed horribly with their parents whenever any of them were unwell. If their parents were sick, they wanted to be cared for through constant attention, regular checks to ensure they were okay, and having drinks and snacks brought to them. By contrast, their child much preferred to be left alone when they were ill. Of course, it was very hard for either of them to respect the other’s wishes because it felt so alien to them.
That, I think, is the major issue we face in embracing differences. At heart, we cannot help but think that things would be much better if other people were more like us. Intellectually, this argument falls almost immediately. For example, there are very few of us who can carry out every single maintenance task in our home unassisted. The vast majority of us will need the help of a plumber, electrician, or pest controller at some point because we lack the skills to perform all of those jobs ourselves.
However, when the differences are less overt, we tend to revert to our default position of assuming that everyone else is like us, or at least should aspire to be. We all make many assumptions every day because modern life is complex, so we need shortcuts. There is nothing wrong with that. But we must be cautious when taking shortcuts about the needs and preferences of others.
The fact is, we are wildly and spectacularly different to one another in almost every way imaginable. We are different physically, which is why it is such a big deal when you see someone who looks very similar to you and why celebrity lookalikes can be so successful! But we are also just as different mentally and emotionally. We react in hugely different ways to the same event, and our initial reactions to the same issue can vary from euphoria to total dismay.
Why does this matter? Because more and more, we are treated like a herd of identical drones by those in authority. We are all expected to behave in the same way, want the same things, and agree with the official line.
But that is not the way that humanity works or how we progress. Every great discovery in history was made by someone dissatisfied with the status quo and seeking a solution to a problem. If we all just settled for how things were, we would still be freezing in caves. I suspect that I would not have had the skills to discover fire, but I am very glad that one of my distant ancestors did.
We make progress by embracing difference, not by fearing it. We succeed by letting individuals work to their strengths and understanding that none of us is good at everything. DEI initiatives are about maximising the benefits of our differences and leveraging the breadth of expertise across humanity, rather than trying to discriminate for or against one group or another.
The thing is, in a crisis, we quickly embrace differences. If the pilot on the plane you are on were taken ill, you would likely be very glad that not everyone had the same lack of ability to fly that plane as you do. We are very glad when someone with medical training is on hand when we have an accident or are taken ill.
Differences are a good thing, and without them, we would perish in time. But embracing and understanding differences means making an effort, rather than assuming that everyone is like us by default. It is a new way of thinking for many of us, but it is what is so desperately needed now. The only person we can truly change is ourselves, so let’s start there.
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